First Struggles
by CyanKitten1
Summary: Request from r0sierina! First struggles of our lovely Krebsdorf. Oneshot but with like two chapters. I love writing this but in my own world I don't exactly consider this canon, but go ahead with this as you wish.
1. Chapter 1

"Jesus Christ," Burgdorf muttered to himself, lying back in the bunker's chair, "are those two never going to stop going at it?"

"Going at what?" Günsche asked.

"Fegelein and Krebs," Burgdorf replied. "If I hear them arguing over Hitler one more time, I'm gonna rip my throat out."

Günsche murmured something that Burgdorf didn't quite catch, but he couldn't be bothered to. Then Günsche spoke up. "You know you can't really be mad at Krebs."

"I can't?" Burgdorf asked. "Says who?"

"Says everyone in the bunker," Günsche commented. "I mean, damn Burgdorf, I know you think we're not smart, but we're sure as hell not blind." He let out a rough purr in his throat. "And not _that_ stupid."

Burgdorf shoved Günsche playfully. "Don't you dare."

"Oh, come on," Günsche grumbled. "Been long enough, don't you think? I mean, like, I really don't want to have to handle another day here with the obvious love going on and I have to pretend like it doesn't exist. 'Cause it does, you know."

Burgdorf rolled his eyes. "Günsche, what do you know?" he asked, but he tried to ignore how his heart fluttered like butterflies in his chest and reached his throat as his friend spoke the correct words.

"Maybe more than you, at this point," Günsche said softly. He got up, patting Burgdorf's back. "Take it from me - don't wait. Life goes by faster than you think. Don't wait until it's too late. You might not get another chance. You gotta fight for what you want. And you can do it. I promise you, you can."

Burgdorf tipped his head, watching as Günsche walked away from him. His words echoed in his ears. _Don't wait. Don't wait._ Burgdorf sighed. _Maybe he's right. It's not worth waiting. If I want something, I have to fight for it, right?_ He shook his head. _Oh, what am I thinking? It's never going to work!_

 _But maybe it might._

 _Worth a shot, right?_

Burgdorf sighed, rubbing his tufty hair. "I guess it _might_ be worth a shot," he mused to himself. "Ah, whatever." He got to his feet, tensing his muscles. "Guess I'll ask him to meet me somewhere?" His heart raced in his chest as he drew out the possible scenarios that could happen. There were too many to keep track off. He took a deep breath, trying to calm his anxieties. _Okay, look. You can do this. Yeah, you can. I mean, things work out, right?_

He cracked his knuckles before getting ready to walk over to Krebs. He had to say something, right? But Krebs and Fegelein were still arguing. Not wanting to interrupt, Burgdorf slid behind a wall, watching them curiously.

"Okay, and let's go onto another subject!" Fegelein was shouting.

Burgdorf sighed. _Here we go._ He tapped his thigh impatiently, waiting for the two lieutenants to finish their arguing. _Oh, Günsche, I swear, you better be right about this, or I'll rip you to pieces!_ He felt a flash of guilt overwhelm him. _Ah, it's not his fault. He's trying, he really is._ He frowned as he heard his name flying from Fegelein's mouth, but this time, it was in a joking tone.

"Have you ever even seen the parodies? They portray you and Burgdorf as lovers," Fegelein was saying.

"Well, that's never happening," Krebs snapped back. "No feelings whatsoever. Just a friend. It's not true, and I'll never have feelings, all right? Now leave me alone!"

Burgdorf bit his lip, feeling his heart physically snap into two pieces inside of his chest. Once a proud and strong soul, it had fallen to the ground, able to be blown away by the wind, and shattering into another disarray of pieces. The devastation that was wreaking through him was something the general had not felt before - no less than a hurricane. Burgdorf spun around, knowing that there was nothing left to return to, and stormed towards where he found comfort - the drinking room. What now beat in his chest was merely a function of angry muscles that would pulse angrily until he could find some way to soothe the pain.

Unfortunately, he ran into Günsche, who was sitting in the drinking room with bright glowing eyes. Günsche got up, lifting his massive head. "Hi," he said. "I was waiting for you."

"Well, sit your body down and pour me a drink," Burgdorf growled.

Günsche's eyes widened at his brusque tone. "Um, what happened?"

"Take a guess, professor!" Burgdorf slumped onto the seat next to the table. "What's the strongest drink here?"

Günsche frowned, but he let out a small sigh and walked into the kitchen, retrieving something that Burgdorf couldn't see. As Günsche walked back in, another feeling of guilt struck Burgdorf.

"Look, I'm sorry," Burgdorf murmured. "I didn't mean to snap at you. That wasn't right."

"Apology accepted," Günsche said. "Come on, tell me what happened."

Seeking for some comfort, Burgdorf rested his head on his friend's broad shoulder. "Does it really take a person of brilliance to figure it out?" he asked dryly.

"Did you get rejected?" Günsche asked.

Burgdorf flinched at his use of words. "Uh, no, not _rejected_."

"So why are you upset?" Günsche inquired, looking genuinely puzzled.

Burgdorf sighed. "Okay, look. I was listening to him and Fegelein argue. For some reason, after Fegelein argued, his voice became a joke in some way. Yeah, and then he mentioned something about parodies, which I don't even care about at this point, and Krebs said that he didn't have feelings for me."

"Oh," Günsche murmured. "I'm sorry. I didn't think that would happen."

"It's not your fault," Burgdorf said, shrugging. "Just sit here and drink with me, and I'll be fine."

"Fine?" Günsche echoed, his eyes shadowing with disbelief. "Come on. You're my friend. Talk to me."

Burgdorf huffed. _Sure, why not? I gotta vent._ "Goddammit, Günsche, I swear, my heart just _broke._ I never felt like that before. I suppose a fire that burns bright isn't meant to last."

"Hey, don't say that," Günsche told him. "I don't even think he was being honest. Maybe he was just trying to defend himself from Fegelein."

"What is there to defend from?" Burgdorf asked, finally taking a sip from the glass Günsche had given him. "Even though Fegelein can be a major jerk, he's our _friend._ "

Günsche seemed lost for words, until he finally found something to say. "I'm just as puzzled as you are, honestly. I never thought it'd come to this. I mean … you'll always love him, right?"

"But I won't ask him to stay," Burgdorf whispered, pouring another glass. "I don't want him to see how much I need him. What if he thinks I'm weak? Maybe he's better off without me."

"I really don't think this is true," Günsche sighed. "It doesn't make sense, you know? I know you all call me a stupid giant, but something here doesn't add up."

"Then you explain this to me," Burgdorf grumbled, pouring another drink.

Günsche frowned. "Watch what you drink, don't have too much."

"You talkin' to me?" Burgdorf drank another glass. "I'll drink what I want." For the first time, as Burgdorf looked at his friend, he realized that anger and confusion was smoldering in his cerulean eyes. _Oh no. What if I just destroyed another friendship?_ He could hardly make sense of his feelings that were churning in his mind and body, but he'd continue the perfect remedy - drinking alcohol until he couldn't see.

"I guess I am," Günsche mused. "What if worst comes to worst, Burgdorf? What if you'll have to let him go? Would you fight?"

Burgdorf blinked at Günsche, taken aback. "Yes, of course I'd fight … but not if he doesn't want to. Then there's no point, and I wouldn't want to make him uncomfortable." He swallowed a lump in his throat. "But when you fall in love with someone, you don't never really stop loving them."

Sympathy clouded Günsche's eyes. "I'm so sorry," he whispered. "I really am."

Burgdorf slumped his shoulders. "Whatever." _He doesn't need to see how upset I am anymore. I've already revealed enough weaknesses._ "Enough about this." He didn't want to keep talking about it. He didn't want to keep focusing on how his muscles were jittering and how his heart was continuing to shatter into more and more pieces. He cleared his throat, wiping his head and blinking away tears. "Keep drinking. Let's forget about all of this."

 _But I can't forget._


	2. Chapter 2

Exhaustion lugged at Krebs' tired muscles as he wearily dragged himself near the planning room. He paused, frowning. Would it be a crime to avoid work today? Would Hitler mind? _He'd chew my head off._

Not wanting to be murdered, he walked into the meeting room, seeing Fegelein, Jodl, and Goebbels. Hitler was in his chair, studying his map - looking for Berlin, apparently. Günsche and Burgdorf weren't there, which concerned Krebs.

"Finally," Hitler growled, looking up. "Took your time, didn't you?"

"My fish needed me," Krebs said feebly, knowing the price of Hitler's wrath.

"Yeah, I don't care." Hitler rested his head in the chair. "Where are the other two imbeciles?"

"I know Günsche's out there looking for Fegelein, like you told him to," Goebbels told Hitler, "even though he's right here. Not so sure about Burgdorf, though."

"Well, I gave Günsche an order," Hitler growled, "so I guess it's fine that he's obeying that. But that drunk idiot? Of course he's not here. He's so unreliable!"

"He seemed kinda upset," Goebbels remarked. "I asked, but he said he was okay."

Fegelein shrugged. "People say they're okay all the time. That doesn't mean they are. Someone doesn't need to be crying to fall apart.

Hitler rolled his eyes. "Bring him to me and I'll sort him out for good."

Krebs tensed his muscles, glaring at Hitler. "Leave him alone. He didn't do anything wrong to you. Maybe he's just tired."

"You're defending your lover, as usual," Hitler snarled.

Krebs felt himself bristling. "I'm defending him because he didn't do anything wrong, and yet you're still acting like a jerk!" he yowled, feeling the need to protect Burgdorf from a rambling Hitler. As he spoke, anger ran in his blood, and rage tasted bitter in his mouth.

"Go find him!" Hitler spat. "Or you'll have something to say to me!"

Furious, Krebs spun around, knowing it was useless to reason with Hitler. He felt the stare of the generals burning on his back, but Krebs didn't care as he tried to control his uncharacteristic anger. His face had become rigid, and his teeth were clenched as he went to the place he expected Burgdorf to be - the drinking room.

As he neared it, he stopped, hearing a voice. He swallowed, recognizing the "poor old man" song. _I'm … I'm the one he sings it to! What the hell is he doing?_ Krebs broke into the drinking room, seeing the sturdy general with Günsche, drinking to his heart's content.

Krebs stepped forward. _Oh, you replaced me now, didn't you? But why?_ "Burgdorf?" he asked tightly. "What are you doing here?" The anger from arguing with Hitler still festered inside of him, and annoyance at Burgdorf with Günsche and abandoning the meeting added to it.

Burgdorf swung his head, his blue eyes blurry. They eventually turned into smoldering depths as he scrambled to his feet, and Günsche followed him, steadying his trembling body.

"What does it matter to you?" Burgdorf snapped, putting down his alcohol with a shaky hand.

 _Did you replace me?_ Krebs stopped from bursting the question out loud, knowing that there was someone else witnessing this argument. "Why'd you miss the meeting?" he asked, trying to keep his voice firm.

Burgdorf glanced at the alcohol. "Take a guess. And you don't care."

"I do care!" Krebs protested. "That's why I came." He turned to Günsche, who was watching them with wide eyes. Burgdorf also looked at him. Günsche seemed hesitant, and Krebs realized that he wanted to protect Burgdorf. _Okay, something's going on here. They both know something that I'm completely in the dark about._

"I'll be fine," Burgdorf reassured him.

"Okay. I'll give you both privacy." Günsche walked away from Burgdorf, but paused besides Krebs. "Careful," he warned him in a soft whisper. He brushed against him and left the room, with Krebs watching him.

"Now, what was _that_?" Krebs instantly demanded. He knew he was wrong - his temper was getting the best of him, and he had no idea how to control it at that moment.

"What does it matter?" Burgdorf asked, picking up the glass he had put down and taking another sip. "You can leave me alone now."

Krebs glared at him. "You're drunk." He sighed. _Oh, I'm in love with you, but I'm not sure if you'll ever know._

"Never been more sober."

"Come with me."

"No."

Krebs bit his lip, knowing how stubborn he was. "You give me no choice." He walked towards Burgdorf, who let a low growl in his throat. Krebs blinked, taken aback. _What happened to you?_ Ignoring Burgdorf's sounds, and knowing he wouldn't hurt him, Krebs came behind him and pushed him out of the room, once again ignoring the growls that came from the robust general. He led Burgdorf into an uninhabited room, and shut the door behind him.

Burgdorf met him with an icy glare, not a glare that burned, but one that cut through him like knives. It was one that Krebs had never seen, and it ripped Krebs' heart into two. He didn't know what happened to Burgdorf, but he knew he was in extreme pain. And Krebs was going to find out why.

So Krebs started with a simple question, knowing that Burgdorf wouldn't answer it. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Burgdorf replied. "Now let me go."

"Not happening." Krebs let go of the tension in his shoulders, unable to see the one he loved lying to him about something that was obviously bothering him.

"Everything is okay!" Burgdorf repeated. "Let me drink."

Krebs crossed his arms. "Stop pretending everything's okay. I know it's killing you inside. Look, I'm not stupid, and I don't like when you're not truthful. Now, what's wrong?"

Burgdorf paused for a moment, looking genuinely upset and puzzled. Then he shook his expressions away, and lifted his head. "Just to let you know, I'm not deaf."

"I know that," Krebs said, narrowing his eyes as Burgdorf began to pace. If Burgdorf was drunk, he sure as hell didn't seem like it. Krebs knew he was thinking clearly. "Not sure why you said it, though. What did you hear?"

Burgdorf spun around, his eyes seeming to shoot flames, different from his previous ice cold ones. "Wanna hear why I'm upset?" he snapped.

"Yes," Krebs replied calmly.

Burgdorf snorted. "I sound like some thirteen year old, but goddammit, life!"

"Life?" Krebs asked.

"Yeah, you heard me. Honestly, I need a break. Life is grueling and unfair and I can't handle it anymore."

Krebs paused, concern festering in his heart. "What … what do you mean?"

Burgdorf sighed. "You know what, Krebs? Joy is a dumb word. Happiness doesn't exist."

"Why do you say that?" Krebs inquired.

Burgdorf was now pacing once more. "It destroyed me, and no one has noticed. I mean, he gave me hope. That's what killed me in the end. I guess I'm not worth it, all right?"

"You're not making any sense," Krebs said, confused. "I don't understand a word of what you're saying. Why are you so upset?"

Burgdorf scoffed, his body trembling. "Why aren't you giving _up_?"

"Because I care!"

"Do you?"

"Yes! Tell me, please. You can't keep this inside of you forever."

Burgdorf curled his lip as the words spilled out of his mouth. "Okay, then I'll go on, as apparently you like seeing me in pain. It works, right?"

Krebs took a deep breath. "Look, you're worthy of happiness, you're worthy of love, even if you don't believe it right now. You are worthy of love. Don't give up."

"Is that what you think?" Without waiting for Krebs to protest, Burgdorf went on. "Really? You and I know it's not true. Holy God, I tried to make things better, Krebs, I really did. But nothing works out anymore. What point is there? You said that nothing was going on between us, but I thought you knew I loved you!" Burgdorf covered his mouth as the words flew out, and his blue eyes widened as he registered what he had said.

The fishman stood, his heart skipping a beat, still as a stone as he tried to understand what Burgdorf had just blurted out. Burgdorf loved him?

Why wasn't Krebs not surprised?

The word 'love' sent shivers and butterflies throughout Krebs' stomach, and the feeling was strange. It was overwhelming, yet it made Krebs feel complete. His heart danced around in his chest, and a hole he never knew was there had just been filled. It felt as if he was on top of the world as his head spun.

Were they ever strangers?

Krebs didn't think they were.

The first day Krebs had met him, there had been something between them, even then. It was the dawn of the person Krebs was today, the person he was _supposed_ to be.

But Burgdorf didn't seem to realize that Krebs was still fumbling for words to tell him how he felt. Burgdorf took a deep breath, bristling. "Okay. You know. That was dumb of me to say, but hey, I said it. So now you know. Now, if you don't feel the same, tell me." His voice that had once been thick with rage was now weary with exhaustion. "Because you hurt me."

Krebs continued to stare at Burgdorf, the one he loved. _I hurt someone I loved. It's hard to live with yourself when you do. I hope you forgive me. Love is unconditional._ Krebs took a deep breath. "You didn't let me explain myself."

"What is there to explain?" Burgdorf asked, slumping his shoulders.

"Burgdorf, the only reason I said that is to get Fegelein off my back," Krebs murmured.

"He's your friend. He wouldn't do anything to you."

"But he is an antic inflicting menace," Krebs said. "So it was the only way to get him to leave me alone. But …" Krebs took a heaving breath. "Who said what I told him was true?"

The blonde haired general tilted his head, looking wary and sorrowful. "What do you mean?"

Krebs felt his heart racing in his chest, and he was trembling. There was no point in denying his feelings. Krebs was going to come out with it. He had them forever, but he hadn't admitted it to himself. It was there. It was always when he was around Burgdorf. His hands would tingle, and he would get butterflies in his stomach. His heart would race, and although he was used to spending time with him, he would always get these feelings. He knew he would always put Burgdorf over himself, and he thought about him often. Krebs finally spoke. "I _do_ love you, Burgdorf."

Burgdorf stared at him, eyes wide. It seemed as if he had forgotten how to speak, and Krebs was about to remind him to say something until he spoke himself. "You do?" His voice was shaking and fragile.

Krebs nodded. "I do. I'm sorry I said that. I didn't mean it. I guess I was just hiding from myself what I felt, because I didn't want to acknowledge it. I didn't know what it meant. But now I do. I really do."

The two stared at each other for a few more seconds, and Krebs walked closer to Burgdorf, hearing his quivering breath. "I'm sorry," Krebs murmured.

He didn't say anything. Instead, he gazed into Krebs' eyes, and Krebs looked back. Krebs leaned his neck in, seeing Burgdorf do the same thing, and Krebs started it. His lips met Burgdorf's. The warmth from Burgdorf's lips spread throughout his entire body as they pressed softly against his. It was magical - the way that their lips moved together in perfect synch. Krebs had no wish for the kiss to end, and he knew this one was the beginning of a promise to be together. The world disappeared around them, leaving the only two of them as they shut their eyes. Butterflies flapped inside of Krebs' stomach as he held onto Burgdorf tightly.

Finally, the two broke apart when their lungs burned and they couldn't breathe. Krebs opened his eyes and gazed into Burgdorf's dazzling blue depths. _So this is love._

Krebs loved him. He loved him so much. He didn't even know that it was possible. He had something to look forward to everyday. He knew he had challenges to overcome, but could do it, with Burgdorf's support. He would sacrifice everything for him.

And Burgdorf loved him back.


End file.
